7 Stupid Things Spammers Say … Usually In Small Print

A rant from 2013 but still worth repeating!


Set your spam filters folks!  I’ve just had an email forwarded to me and I’m offended by its viral potential, its presumption and by the stupidity of what appears in its small print footer.  Now to be kind, it’s probably not entirely the fault of the company that was responsible for disseminating this piece of mischief; but rather that of the misguided intelligence who drafted it, thinking that he/she/it was drafting some sort of “legal notice”.  But that’s enough of being kind. This is what it says; and this is my reply.

  1. Our Terms of Business can be located on our website …

So what? Why do I care?  I’m not doing business with you. If you’ve got something worth saying to me please put it in the body of your email and put it in print I can read. Otherwise, stop sending me silly emails.

  1. By accepting this email, any attachments, and the information contained within them, you agree to comply with our Terms of Business.

Nonsense!  Your email was forwarded to me by someone else. I don’t even know you or what you’re trying to sell me, or whether I would be interested in buying it even if I did know. I do NOT accept your terms of business. Do you really think you can conjure a contract into existence just because your email finds its way into my inbox?  Stop misrepresenting the law to me and telling me that I have done things that I clearly haven’t done!

  1. Please note that if you have agreed in writing with our contractual terms in addition or contrary to our Terms of Business then those contractual terms will take precedence over the aforementioned Terms of Business

What contractual terms? Your aforementioned Terms of Business have not been accepted…as I think I have mentioned before. By the way, did you intend to annihilate previous oral agreements and withdraw offers made orally, only to replace them with this rubbish, when you sent me that email wishing me a nice day?

  1. The information contained in this email and any attachment is confidential and intended for the named recipient only.

No it’s not.  It’s spam!  There’s nothing confidential about it at all.

  1. The information is private and protected by law.

No it’s not. It’s spam! You’ve sent me unsolicited services.  Under the Australian Consumer Law, I am not liable to make you any payment for your services or to compensate you for any loss you claim to have suffered because you supplied them to me. If you assert a right to payment without reasonable cause, you’ll be committing an offence and liable to prosecution and penalties of up to $1.1million if you are a corporation and up to $220,000 as an involved individual.

  1. If you are not the intended recipient, any use of the information is strictly prohibited and it must be deleted from your system.

I think I will charge you for the cost of cleansing my system of unwanted spam.

  1. We accept no liability for any loss or damage that may occur as a result of the transmission of this email or its attachment.

I don’t care what you accept or don’t accept.  Fortunately, it’s not all about you.  If you have caused me any damage by sending me your unwanted spam, you can bet I’m going to sue you!


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